Couch Potato's remote has just found a James Bond movie, already in
progress. With the debonair of an accomplished Casanova—and a dozen
roses—James Bond (Jon Shafer) is just starting a conversation in a
little French café with a gorgeous (naturally. . .)
Russian agent by the name of Svetglanda Lochenko (Trish Kennedy).
As James describes the impending end of civilization as we know it,
Svetglanda is overcome with dreaminess at James' thoughtfulness in
getting her roses. She loves red roses, you know. As James drones on
about the looming disaster, Svetglanda loses herself in the fragrance of
the bouquet. . .
James finishes his verbal regurgitation, only to find that Svetglanda
had been so engrossed in the roses she hadn't heard a thing. As he
repeats himself, this time at about 380 words a minute, the three
obligatory assassins stealthily approach, ready to attack with a gun, a
knife, and a club. James dispatches them all with the casual skill of a
seasoned agent, not even missing a word of his reiteration of the
upcoming crisis.
After the waiter (Travis Fry) announces a telephone call for Monsieur
Bond (after all, this was a secret meeting), Mr. Bond tells M to
call back on the secure line. We hear the sound of a phone
ringing. . . and ringing. . . and ringing.
Svetglanda rummages in her purse, pulling out shoe-phone after
shoe-phone. Finally she finds the correct one and answers, "Da?" Her
face falls and she hands the phone over to James. "It's for you,
Mr. Bond."
James takes the shoe and puts it in speaker-phone mode. M proceeds to tell the two plucky agents that yet another evil mastermind has gotten into the fray. As Bond hangs up at the end of the update from HQ, he comments to Svetglanda, "Your insole is blinking—you have a voicemail." To which she replies, "It must be my husband. We're out of milk."
It certainly looks grim for our heroes. But, as always, James has a plan: all they need to do is. . .
At this point, Couch Potato's wife Dumpling shouts from the kitchen,
"Sweetie, would you check Channel 47 and see if my show is on yet?"
Couch Potato changes channels, and Dumpling's show wasn't on yet. And
then—horror of horrors—when he changes back to the James Bond
movie, he finds that the movie is almost over, and he missed how they
saved the world!
He only hears James, again on the phone with M, say, "Well, sir, I
couldn't have done it without the help our our Russian friends, with
some of whom I've developed a close working relationship. . ."