Sage Advice


The next act, which was laughingly referred to as "Sage Advice," starred Dave Brown as "Tall Stirrup" and Jeff Tonkin as "Short Rope." They came on and told a few jokes in their incomparable style.



This being a cowboy show, it was expected that people should dress that part. When Short Rope chastised Tall Stirrup for not wearing chaps, Tall Stirrup objected strongly to the false accusation and proceeded to prove that he was indeed wearing chaps.



Our heroes were joined by ranch foreman "Gentle Ben" McGuire, who provided musical accompaniment for their forays into the wastelands of musical bankruptcy. The song they sang was entitled, Stand by Your Ma'am. Here, Tall Stirrup sings a note that is reminiscent of a pirate movie (Murder on the High C's), while Ben looks on in horror.



Short Rope continues, "She'll have good times. . ." (Tall Stirrup intones, "Shopping, shopping, shopping. . .") "You'll have bad times. . ." (Tall Stirrup intones, "Shopping, shopping, shopping. . .")



After a bit, the mood softens, and Tall Stirrup illustrates as they sing, ". . .you'll want something warm to come to when nights are cold and lonely. . ."



The group transitioned into the original song The Streets of Fort Collins (which was later pirated and popularized as The Streets of Laredo). With lilting refrain,they sang:

As I walked out in the streets
    of Fort Collins. . .
(Ain't that purty? Didn't
    you feel it right here?)
When I walked out in
    Fort Collins one day,
I spied a young cowboy
    all dressed in white linen. . .


. . .whereupon Young Cowboy (Brionn Tonkin) enters. Obviously not having heard the song before, his apparel was, shall we say, not entirely apropos. After sighs of resignation from Tall Stirrup and Short Rope, they sing to the colorblind newcomer:

I see by your outfit
    that you are a cowboy. . .

To which Young Cowboy replies,

I see by your outfit
    that you're a cowboy too.

The quartet, as one, continues:

We see by our outfits
    that we are all cowboys. . .

At this point, the quartet stops singing and begins a pregnant pause, milking it for all it's worth. The audience is on the edges of their seats, fairly crying out for closure, and finally the quartet relents, and finishes the song:

If you get an outfit,
    You can be a cowboy too!

The audience heaves. (A sigh of relief, that is.) Then, they offer some final sage--and we use the word loosely--advice, in the form of nuggets of Western badinage, and finally vacate the stage, giving way to members of the jokester team. . .



Forlorn Lady (Andrea Wermuth, right) is bemoaning the puzzlement of her relationship: "Ya know, I just don't understand that man of mine." Wise Lady (Sheri Demaree, left) responds knowingly, indicating a book that she's been reading: "Men is from Tombstone; women is from Dodge."



Excited Elly (Lisa Evans) excitedly talks excitedly to her nervous friend, Nervous Ned (David Haise), who is quite nervous: "I heard you asked that new girl of yours to marry you. Was ya scared?" Nervous Ned nervously nods and replies nervously: "Yeah. I was more nervous that a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. . ."